There are storm clouds...

In the sky. And there are storm clouds in my head and my heart after the last few days. A few days in which I've fell out with my mum, my sister and a very special person who was a contributing factor to me packing in the hash habit I've had for the last ten to fifteen years.

If anyone ever tells you that it's easy to get off of the dope then take it from me they're either talking out their asshole or have never been an addict. In any way.

First off I'd like to try to explain the reason for my sudden decision to pack the weed in...

I recently got back in touch with someone who I have always liked. As a person, as a friend and as, well, as whatever she is to me. (The jury is still out on whether this woman is a friend of mine, a love of mine or merely a temporary infatuation.) I had the pleasure of spending some time with her and after spurning my declaration that I would like to be something more than just friends I came to realise that no woman in her right mind would ever want to be with a stoner.

So what did I do? I packed in the dope and waited for reality to kick in. And kick in it did. My emotions weighed in like a warrior into the fray and I annoyed this woman to the point where she fell out with me. On several occasions. But after a while she forgave me and we tried to stay as friends. But thanks to the whole "getting straight" gig my head is all over the place and thinking clearly became a problem. I annoyed her again. And again. And again. And again.

So a couple of weeks later I realised that right now me attempting to be her friend isn't the right thing at this time. I could have explained it better but didn't. I phoned her and told her it wasn't going to work. The words were wrongly chosen and my meaning was lost in a blur of argument and rejection.

What will become of me is unknown, and what will become of her and I is even less known.